Don't spoil the dream

Only one person I know says that I'm deep, and that's my sister. I rather feel I'm vaguely deep but that only special people get to see that. In fact only special people get to really see much of my personality at all! Its not that I purposefully hide it, its just that by nature I'm a rather shy and seem to have somehow hidden away much of myself. What people see on a day to day basis it still me, yes its the real me, but its the tip of the iceberg.

Even the devastatingly handsome guy I've met through work has only seen the tip of the iceberg. Mind you I've seen him about three times only and we've never really got past the polite, 'hello, how are you?' stages of conversation. He's good looking, intelligent, and well mannered, what's not to like?! I reckon he looks a bit like Orlando Bloom in Kingdom of Heaven. He certainly did on Friday morning with his black tousled, just got out of bed hair and rugged unshaven look.

I chatted to a friend about this guy this morning. Sure this guy is cute but I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend. Besides, I hardly know him, he hardly knows me... My friend tried to persuade me that I should do something forward like ask him out for coffee. To be honest its not really my style. So he suggested instead I try and progress our conversations, get to know him a bit more. Its made me think a bit about what to do.

I've never thought of myself as beautiful or particularly funny or clever. Not too long ago I would have told you I was ugly, fat, boring, dim etc etc. The thing is I'm not ugly, at least not personality wise! I'm never going to be stick thin, I was never built that way, but nor do I resemble the size of an elephant. I am never going to have large breasts or shapely legs. I do think though that someone out there will find me beautiful, and in particular find my personality, myself, beautiful. Right now they're just missing out :)

Yes its sad that no one gets to see the other nine tenths of me very often. I don't really give people the chance to, but then again no one takes the opportunity to see it. Yet I'm in no rush. I know that someday there will be someone. In the meantime I just have to get on with my life and enjoy it. I can't just wait around or waste my time looking otherwise I'll regret not living.

So back to my Orlando Bloom. I'm quite content to enjoy the occasional visit from that handsome guy without anything actually happening. Sometimes its just nice to dream. Why spoil it?