Ok so given the title of my post you're probably thinking I'm suffering a bout of paranoia (a bit like suffering a bout of flu only it never actually goes away it just flares up every so often). The truth of the matter is I don't really see that I'm being all that paranoid!
As regular readers know, my phone died yet again on Wednesday night. I'm talking about my cordless landline thingy not a mobile. In the last month it has decided not to have any dial tone for no apparent reason and didn't want to make or receive phonecalls. The fact the internet has continued working suggests that the phone was having a fit rather than the phoneline. Anyway, given that it was the third time the phone had done this *and* I'd had the police round about that mysterious 999 call (see my last post
) I decided to buy a new phone.
So off I toddled to Newcastle today with high hopes. I explained to the nice shop assistant in John Lewis (the only shop that seemed to sell analogue rather than cordless phones) what my problem was. After a certain amount of disbelief, finally convinced the assistant my current phone was indeed a child of the devil and I really wanted to try analogue instead (as in old fashioned phones that are still attached to the base unit with a cord). The phone I wanted was out of stock so had to settle for the cheaper model. Perhaps alarms bells should have rung at that point?
Whilst out in Newcastle I also did a bit of clothes shopping. Have somehow managed to loose some of my university flab and so shouldn't have been shocked when the trousers I was trying on didn't fit. Wahey! I'm not a size 14 anymore! Anyway although I have slimed down a trouser/skirt size I have yet to grow any taller, so even the petite ranges are slightly too long. Nevermind, at least I find clothes I would willing wear which is quite unusual for me! Perhaps I should have seen this as a sign that things were about to go down hill?
Anyway, I tried wasting some time by going to the Hancock Museum which I haven't visited since we moved away from Newcastle 12 years ago. Bit depressing really. Nostalgia aint what its cracked up to be. I eventually decided to go home, apparently at the same time as everyone else, so ended up squashed on the bus. Its a mystery to me why they feel on a Saturday at half past 4 they'll have enough room to fit everyone on a single decker bus. What a joy the four Saturdays leading up to Christmas are going to be.
Once back at home I revived myself with coffee and chicken liver pate on toast (yes I have strange tastes). Once that was over with I tried setting up the phone. The instructions make it sound so simple. There is in fact only one step to get your phone working, plug it into the phone socket. As I'm sure you've guessed (if you've got this far) this didn't work. It's not like it was going to was it? Hey it is me we're talking about after all.
So I tried the damned thing in every phone socket in the house, with every phone cable I have and nothing... nothing works. My Dad has suggested I ask my neighbor if I can try my phone at hers, just to make sure it isn't just my phone line being excessively strange.
There you have it though. The phones of the world are really beginning to unite against me. Even my mobile has started. It doesn't seem to recognise any swear words (damn this predictive texting) so I'm having to teach them to it again.
Does anyone else want to live my life for me?